My “Smelly” Murder

Tuesday Morning found me on my way to work as usual. I had a great feeling that this was going to be a very fruitful day as everything seemed to be going great so far. I still had the great Obama fever inspiring me and I could not be more motivated about life.
I got to the bus stop and did not have to wait long when a bus that was half full stopped by and I boarded it. Judging by the usual time it takes me to get to the office, I was so sure that I was going to be on time if not early.
The road from where I stay to the main road is usually very rough and bumpy. I feel them every time but I got used to the pot holes as they help jog my mind every time am thrown up and down and at times off my seat during the ride to work. I only mind it when coming back from work as I prefer peace and cool music.
Anywho, once we were on the main road I settled on my seat as I listened to Maina & King’angi tirelessly trying to crack us up. All I could think about at that time was what my day was going to be like and how I was going to close a particular client that I have been chasing for the longest time. Nothing was going to jinx my day.
We passed Safari park Hotel ok, the old man who was seated next to me changed seats and went to the back. I got confused about why he had moved since he had been seated at a very good position. I moved on swiftly as I waited for my next seatmate. Just at the Garden City mall along Thika Road, we met the usual traffic jam and I decided to sink more into my positive thinking as the jam was nothing new to us Thika road users.
At the next bus stop, the vacant seats were occupied and I got a tall, dark middle aged man as a seatmate. The journey continued with the bus full as the female conductor shut the door to confirm it.
Aaah, now I had someone sitting next to me which meant at least a bit of warmth since it was very chilly and the traffic was moving at former president Kibaki’s pace. After about 3 minutes of getting a new seatmate, I felt some very weird smell and I was like eeew! But wait a minute, could it be me? Is this why my initial seatmate changed seats?! Oh no! How come the stench is so close!?  Or did I not clean those ‘sehemu nyetis’ well enough?
But then again, this stench is too strong and disgusting! It surely can’t be mine! Even my own fart has never been that bad as it mostly resembles the  sweet smell of fresh pineapples:>)
As i tried to figure out where it was all coming from, it got worse by every second and I had to take cover by hiding my nose inside my big designer bag that at least has the most heavenly perfume. (Don’t ask which one)
Surprisingly, it followed me there! Was it sent to kill me? Is this it Lord? At that point I saw news headlines of my sudden death reading ” Died of Smelliosis”
I could not imagine dying now, not when I have not even felt a zygotic creature in me. I immediately reached for plan B; opening the window. Bad idea, it was raining!It helped a bit though  but I was now freezing. I closed it but got overwhelmed by the overconfident stench that kept on intruding in my once peaceful space.

My seatmate then answers his phone and out comes an even greater missile stench than the original one. Waah! Surely this is it for me! That officially confirmed it since the Lord knows that foul smell is my poison. He gave me a more superior sense of smell than all my other senses planning that I would die of a great attack of “Smelliosis”. How can someone stink so bad and not even notice?!
I only had two quick options since changing seats, changing matatus, complaining and abandoning my seat to stand all the way to town were not options I considered. I had to either face the smell head-on, take it all in and enjoy it or open the window all the way and get rained on.
I know I have not disclosed what it felt like, well here goes,
Smell 1(cant tell from which part of the body): The smell of a rotting wound that has gone beyond ever healing or drying up and has a Kingdom of both flies and maggots dancing and praising their gods in celebration of the bumper harvest.
Smell 2 (from mouth): The smell of a dirty behind if you know what I mean. I can also liken it to a unique smell I once experienced at the City Mortuary.
Will all these already inhaled as they were in constant pursuit of my nose, I gave up fighting and decided to experience both being rained on through the open window and inhaling the death smell in equal proportions.
I literally died 10 times for the almost 1 hour 30 minutes that it took me to get to town.

I hated that guy with a passion that I have never known even in loving myself. All this while he sat there looking like it was his birthday and was waiting that moment to blow off the candles on his cake. Dude, cant you see that you are murdering a sister here? How can you be so heartless?! That dirty ass dude was even at some point sucking on his thumb that had dirty black nail tips! I looked at him and all I saw was Cholera in Bold and Italics written in red.
By the time we got to the final bus stop, I almost climbed on top of him to be the first person to exit the bus but the little angel Elianah in me told me, “Daisy, you have seen hell while alive. A few more seconds cant kill you more than you have already died. Besides, if you step on him then your designer shoes will become useless with that smell stuck on it”
I was like, “ok angel you are right, I have to protect my shoes. You win but make sure I do not die of cholera, TB or Smelliosis by this dude.”
To my shock, the dude knew what he had done and was too embarrassed to get up before me especially some other passengers from the back were also now complaining about the smell.He actually gave me way to alight before him but I let him to go first as he was seated on my exit side.When he got out of the bus, boy did that dude walk away so fast without even looking back! I almost ran after him to ask for an apology but little angel Elianah again told me not to. I was left spitting like a pregnant woman from then on with constant visits to the toilet to let go of the bad gas that hard now occupied my stomach.

Moral of this experience:

I should invent a machine that measures the smell levels of passengers before they board a public service vehicle to help save lives. Damn! I wish I experienced this before the Obama GES!

19 Comments

  • Imbusi

    July 29, 07 2015 01:39:34

    Great piece of literature.

    Tht has to be a true life story 😉

    • Daisy Kwach

      July 29, 07 2015 03:08:20

      Thanks Imbusi! It is.

  • Dorcas

    July 29, 07 2015 02:13:53

    great! keep it up gal

    • Daisy Kwach

      July 29, 07 2015 03:06:36

      Thank you Dorcas!

  • jemo

    July 29, 07 2015 02:46:01

    a very nice definition of a normal kenyan working day..

    • Daisy Kwach

      July 29, 07 2015 03:06:07

      Thank you James, our dearest Kenya.

  • Molvine Esther

    July 29, 07 2015 04:07:20

    Good job siz.. I like, I like, I like..
    I can relate to what u are talking about coz av also been in such a situation before though in my case the smelly dude was not my seat mate…

    • Daisy Kwach

      July 30, 07 2015 03:34:30

      Thank God he wasn’t dear, for you probably wouldn’t be alive today:>)

  • Felix

    July 29, 07 2015 04:48:25

    Lovely blog. Perhaps you can translate the rest of them for your English readers. What language is that?

    • Daisy Kwach

      July 30, 07 2015 03:37:32

      Thanks Diddy! Much appreciated. And I wrote the other ones while speaking in tongues so I can remember what I really meant:>)

  • Okal

    July 31, 07 2015 05:16:35

    Nice piece. Kazi kwa nivea sasa.

    • Daisy Kwach

      July 31, 07 2015 02:38:51

      Thanks Okal. Idea ya biashara ndiyo hiyo!

  • Julez

    July 31, 07 2015 08:40:45

    Good read, very captivating and vividly described…didn’t notice I was making ewww sounds until my deskmate asked what i’m reading.
    Cant wait to see what else you have in store for us

    • Daisy Kwach

      July 31, 07 2015 02:40:42

      Pwahahaha!Thank you Julez!

  • George

    August 03, 08 2015 08:09:01

    Great piece, not something you want to read over a meal, but captivating all the same.

    • Daisy Kwach

      August 06, 08 2015 02:07:46

      LOL! Thanks Georgio!

  • Dyson

    August 10, 08 2015 12:24:36

    Blood, guts, and the like. Find out the meaning behind this lyric from Murder by UGK.

  • Newton Edmunson

    September 04, 09 2015 04:19:02

    Emi Mamiya, 29, was arrested on suspicion of attempted murder after apparently slashing her husband’s face with the knife. Mamiya was reportedly incensed by the smell left behind after her 34-year-old partner emerged from the bathroom.

  • AntonyCiB

    October 17, 10 2015 10:50:38

    Здрасте!

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